In Front of the Fire


Some of my favorite moments in my relationship with Ashley on a daily basis are the times when we are able to simply be together. No agenda, no project, only us.

I do not have a lot of memories from the early years of our marriage. My head was not in the right place and I rarely was in the moment. I was always looking for the next stage, the next job, school being done, our kids being a year older, etc. But, there is a moment I remember fondly.


My wife and I were in our 900 sq ft condo in our first year of marriage. She brought me a bowl of mint chocolate chip ice cream with M&Ms (still Ashley’s favorite). We sat cross legged on our bed and ate ice cream. I remarked to her at the time, “I want to remember this moment, in this moment, things are good.” She thought I was being odd, but now, everyday I try to take a moment to be present, to cement in my mind a memory, a feeling, the peace that comes in those simple moments. Usually it is right before we go to bed when Ashley comes and lays on my chest for a minute (before I start snoring).

I was reminded again about the importance of these moments as Ashley and I sat in the cabin snuggling on a couch with a fire going. There was not an agenda, we were able to relax and enjoy that time. It was appropriate then that I read this C.S. Lewis quote while we were there:

There is indeed a peculiar charm, both in friendship and in…[love], about those moments lies, as it were, curled up asleep, and the mere ease and ordinariness of the relationship (free as solitude, yet neither is alone) wraps us round. No need to talk. No need to make love. No needs at all except perhaps to stir the fire.
— C.S. Lewis

For me at least, memories are tied to emotions, I think this is common for many. But, there are times that I want to remember events and I know that without being intentional, I likely will not. The brain is a powerful thing and you can be intentional about being in a moment, playing that moment over and over again in your brain.

Think about how you feel emotionally, how you feel physically, what you smell, what you see. You can help your brain know, “This moment is important,” remember it. With practice, I hope to get better at this skill.

For now, I will enjoy the simple moments of peace and joy I find next to my love.